- Director: Pierre B
- Writer: David Malcolm
- Stars: May Kelly, Lila Lasso, Danielle Ronald, Karl Hughes
It’s a bit of a wonder that Three Blind Mice wasn’t made into a horror film ages ago. A nursery rhyme that is, allegedly, about Oxford martyrs and involves a woman cutting their tails off is already quite grim, so it seems like an easy transition into the horror genre.
Ever since Winnie the Pooh fell into public domain, there has been a bit of an explosion of children’s stories turned into horror films and it has certainly been a grab bag of positives and negatives with the final products.
With a really solid cold open, followed by some kick ass opening credits, Three Blind Mice starts out strong, and things begin to look even more promising with the appearance of May Kelly. Playing Final Girl Abi, Abi has a pill problem, and her loved ones are going to take her out to a cabin in the middle of the woods so she can go cold turkey. Oof. Sounds really familiar, doesn’t it? Of course, one absolutely has to make allowance for a certain level of cheesiness when watching a movie about murderous, blind mice, but that’s not necessarily the issue here. The mice in question all look amazing, and I would pay good money to see them square off against the cave dwellers in The Descent, but there is far too much seriousness put into the plot that works against what we all came here for.
What we want is the insanity of blind mice terrorizing an innocent family in the woods, but what we get is a movie that feels like it’s moving in slow motion, a sad backstory about science experimentation gone horribly wrong and way too much time spent watching Abi run around like, well, an idiot, quite frankly.
This final girl is not exceptionally clever, witty, or brave, and Kelly’s talents are wasted running back and forth for no real reason. It’s highly possible that I’m wrong, but I do think it’s the moment that a blind mouse is shooting a crossbow that any and all credibility is thrown out the window. These mice can chase, create traps, shoot arrows, and loads of other stuff, but they can’t see or smell anyone directly in front of them. Well, that’s not entirely true: if it is time for that particular character to die, then yes, they can smell them and aim projectiles or create fun, spur of the moment barbed wired kills to get rid of them, however, if it isn’t that person’s turn to die, a moment of “suspense” is created that allows for the viewer to think about how absolutely nothing makes any kind of sense.
I went into this movie already loving it but the glacier pace, the nonsensical abilities (or lack of depending upon who is in the scene) of the mice and an ending that goes on for far too long only to just end without any kind of fanfare or closure just makes for a boring, perplexing ride that had me wishing I was blind.
Available now on Digital