TV Recap: AHS Freakshow – Bullseye

As Elsa opens up the episode getting the giant bullseye out of retirement and speaks of destiny and fate we are, once again, reminded that this show is not built on subtlety. “Bullseye” is an episode fraught with unattainable dreams and the very basic desire to be loved. Watch in horror and sadness as our freaks choose the least practical ways to reach their goals and become victims of their own fate.

Let’s begin with Paul The Illustrated Seal. Getting to see more of Paul was absolutely delightful. Acting as Elsa’s lover, but in love with Penny, it was nice to finally see deeper into his character. His love for Penny is so sincere, but we all know there is no way that Penny will ever escape her middle class hell and runaway with Paul. While at the drugstore to buy some perfume for his beloved, Paul runs into Dandy and notices that he’s buying ladies beauty items in doubles. Hmmm….suspect.

After Elsa pulls a Real Housewife-drink-throwing stunt, Paul demands to know the truth about the twins. Well, this was not a good move because Elsa then demands an audience with all of the freaks where she really goes all Housewife and throws a tantrum, accusing them of not appreciating everything she has done for them. She actually tells them that no one can leave until someone straps themselves onto the bullseye to “prove their unadulterated trust and loyalty” to her. Oh Elsa, you make it very hard to like you sometimes.

Never one to let an opportunity to prove a point pass her by, Elsa “accidentally” hits Paul with that last knife and in a split second you are reminded why Ms. Lange is the proud owner of so many acting awards. Blink and you’ll miss her do a private victory dance in her mind over making Paul pay the ultimate price for allowing his loyalty to waiver. Though Paul was still alive at the end of the episode, things are looking pretty grim for him.

So, what has Dandy been up to since his American Psycho homage last week? For one, he has realized that killing Dora was not the brightest idea he has ever had. Dandy’s proclamation that he liked Dora better is no kind of eulogy for the fabulous Patti LaBelle, but just like Jimmy needs to get over Meep, I need to get over Patti.

For a brief moment I almost, just barely, had a little bit of feels for Dandy when he explained to his mother that he likes freaks because he’s one of them. Truly, it was adorable to see him come in with a giant table of breakfast options and say that, “nothing is too good for my girls.” Unfortunately, this friendly and in love Dandy was not long for this world. Nope, he has made the mistake of falling in love with two women at the same time and only one of them is enjoying his attentions.

While Bette gorges on Beluga Caviar, Dot is not as easily swayed by Dandy’s charms; not until she realizes that he has the money to pay for the surgery that will separate the twins. For being the “smart” one, Dot sure doesn’t seem to understand that the possibility of her living without Bette attached to her is slim to none. In yet another display of ignorance, she proudly speaks of the fact that her diary is her one private place. Come on Dot, you know Dandy is not going to like the idea of you keeping things from him; of course he is going to steal your diary and read it! Too bad her ugly diary entry leads Dandy to realize his true purpose on this earth: to bring death.

Dot thinks she is so very clever, but she keeps getting in her own way with that nasty attitude of hers. I understand her attitude, but everyone knows it’s easier to catch flies with honey and not vinegar. Girl, you’re going to need to act a bit more like Bette if you really want to separate yourself from her.

Apparently, the tiny lady was brought on specifically to pop out of things and be ridiculously adorable. She is an adult woman, you know. She could do so much more than be treated like a pocket pet. Just when they finally allow her to be a person and charm us with her butterfly routine, she is killed in a most gruesome manner. Drowning in formaldehyde was no way for this little beauty to go. Oh goodie! We were treated to another Stanley/Esmerelda flash forward.

While it seems great that Esmerelda has a good heart and took Ma Petite firefly hunting instead, she has now incurred the wrath of Stanley. Stanley is NOT going back to Philadelphia without a freak specimen and he wants Lobster Boy. Oh, but wait, Esmerelda just asked Jimmy to run away with her; what ever will she do? I don’t think I care. Esmerelda has served very little purpose thus far and I would not be upset if Stanley became so angry with her that he killed her. Or perhaps in a very Shakespearean tragedy way, Jimmy will kill her while defending himself.

There was definitely forward movement in this episode, which was nice, but some of it felt unnecessary. Elsa chewed up far too much scenery this week. Seriously, no more music numbers; unless it’s Duran Duran. The scene between Ms. Lange and Ms. Bates was, as expected, perfection and it also left a little carrot dangling for a potential showdown between the two women. If you watched Coven, then I know you are as excited as I am to see these women go head to head, and quite frankly, Elsa is long overdue for some comeuppance.

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