Who’s That Final Girl: It Follows

It Follows poster

@fkmuse plays…

Oh, there was a point to me watching Nerve last time? I’m not sure maybe I liked how the plot sounded. It Follows, however – seems to plot theories? (Honestly, that’s what you get for making wide release art house horror.)

We start with Annie, who is so clearly not fine, but tells two people she is before she bolts. (My brain has now cued “Smooth Criminal”) Something tells me Annie’s not long for this movie.


Okay, wait, did the movie just do-over itself?

I am going to have to say that Hugh is my pick for final girl, and not because he’s got fortitude or I like him. He’s been on screen for five minutes and he already seems like he’d throw anyone under all the buses to save himself. Even playing their cute little hipster-y story game.

Jay seems to dig him. Don’t trust her instincts, she’s got terrible ones even by horror heroine standards. I mean she chooses sex in the car over sex the beach? Oh kids.

Also, I kinda know that when I wake up tied to a wheelchair, romance is dead . Glad to know that I’m not alone.

Wait, did homeboy just say “it” is an STD, a ghost, a thing that chases you.

Damn Jay. Dude, didn’t even give you your clothes.

(Sidenote: If anyone did this to me, they’d have to worry more about me – I’ve seen I Spit on Your Grave.)

Jay seems apathetic as ever. Her friends seem that odd mix of concerned but, hey TMC is playing something?

Why does every establishing shot feel so ugly holiday sweater familiar to me? Wait, they live near 8 Mile in Detroit? That’s why. I lived there, I can now understand the boredom, directionless driving and total apathy even when faced with a demon.

Now, I don’t know if it’s because I’ve figured it’s Michigan, or I’ve surmised It has to follow you, so instead of wasting your time killing more of your friends like um.. guy back there. Why go to Australia for a few months, chill. Then it’s off to I dunno Japan?

Because, It has to walk very slowly to kill you Jay. So, yeah don’t have sex with Paul or whoever. Oh, wait…you are, saddest, look away kids.

While I feel totally confused by the somewhat rushed ending, hey I had to watch this three times to figure out the few names I did and that Jay didn’t in fact drown and miraculously come back to life.

I did not win this round but hey, is that the STD thing behind them?

Lacie Grayson | Twitter: @fkmuse
Image: IMDb

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