Who’s The Final Girl: Flowers in the Attic

@fkmuse gives this ‘creeping vine horror’ a once over…

This time around, I am doing Flowers in the Attic. Why? Well, I blame my friend Mugumbo for making me and some other folks watch it when Twitflix was still around. The one thing we all agreed on was that it needed a remake. Lifetime must have heard us and our oh-so important cries for a better movie about torture and incest. This time around, I’m thinking Cory is going to be The Final Girl. Damnit, his day is
due. Somebody better get it right this time.

For those of you that wonder what kind of blue sky meth I’m on to consider this horror. Its gothic horror, the creeping vine horror. So, this time its overly abusive grandparents lurking behind old oak doors and peeling paint. The sort of everyday slow horror you can actually experience. (Right in the comfort of your own home!)

The one thing I must say is that Heather Graham is great at playing creepy characters. Have you noticed just how creepy she’s been acting lately? Her role in Compulsion as the wannabe chef who becomes
overly enamored with Carrie-Anne Moss’s character is only a slight nod to what she does in Flowers in the Attic. Here, we watch her go from the helpless wife and mother to a cruel and heartless woman putting
her own future above her children’s. Seriously, who thinks putting your teenage children in a small room with nothing to do is a good idea. I’d say spoilers, but it seems pretty obvious at this point.

A lack of Kristie Swanson is a good thing. If I’d wanted to watch her cry in bathtubs, I’d watch just about anything she was in from the ’80s. I don’t know what it is, but ’80s movies love to have a character cry in a bathtub. What I did like, was that Lifetime did not shy away from the fact that hormonal teens were locked in an attic. Way more blatant than the original, and kind of sweet actually.

This time I was wrong, you should never bet against the house, it wins.

Lacie Grayson

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